Insufferable MarySues
by Jak Moriarty
Summary: The camp has guards, barb wires and alarms for Mary-Sues whoever try and get in and also a cage to place them in, but this is until a full on Mary-Sues stalks Nico and uses a chain saw to break into his cabin.
1. The Sue

_Insufferable Mary-Sues_

Nico was asleep in his cabin. He'd been out late the last night so he didn't care that he might have slept past lunch. He'd hidden some food under his bed, in a hollowed out maths books as he knew that no-one would look in there. Nico yawned awake, opening his eyes then jumped back in alarm, yelping. A girl, with black hair and crazy looking green eyes wearing a orange Camp Half Blood shirt – which looked liked it had been be-jewelled up, and a brood grin on her tanned face, stood at the foot of his bed.

"Yay! You're awake!" She chirped, clapping her hands.

Nico was stunned, he didn't know who theHades this person was, but by her (very creepy) orange t-shirt, that she was a demigod. "W-Who the _hell_ are you?"

"Oh? Me?" She grinned, her hands behind her back, making her push her chest forwards. "I'm just, Princess Marina Suezettalina!" she said extremely fast, without a breath.

It took Nico a while to calculate the new information then looked perplexed, "_Princess_?"

"Oop!" She giggled, "Did I say that? Oh well. Yes. I am. And I am randomly without knowing the Daughter of Poseidon—,"

Nico yelled out in fright and jumped up, "You're one of _them_! How did you get past the barbwire and lazar alarms?"

She giggled again. She looked scary, more deadly than friendly. "Never heard of a chain saw, have you, Nico?" she lifted up a chainsaw, and nodded up, showing a perfect square hole in his cabin on the roof.

Nico paled. Even though he_ was_ pale already, he went deathly white. "You destroyed my cabin to stalk me?"

Princess Marina Suezettalina, swayed side to side, dropping the chain saw beside her. "I wouldn't call it stalking. As I _am_ the Daughter of Poseidon—,

"You're not the Daughter of Poseidon!" Nico practically yelled at her. "You're a Mary-Sue! You can't even _spell_ Poseidon!"

Princess Marina Suezettalina gave Nico a 'Duh' look. "Well that's _because_ of my amazing—," she coughed, as if she didn't mean to say amazing. "—I mean dyslexia!"

_I wouldn't call it amazing_, Nico thought quickly. He looked round him in panic. He was sure that he placed the alarm button round here somewhere. But, Princess Marina Suezettalina eyed him, hunger burned in her eyes, lust basically smoked off her.

"And you know what that means..." she purred, stepping towards the Son of Hades.

"You're a crazy insane obsessed Fangirl?"

"Besides_ that_, of course," She smirked, her hands out. "I can have you all to myself." And then she pounced on him. Nico yelled out as he fell to the ground, this was the eighty-seventh Mary-Sue this _week_! Princess Marina Suezettalina grabbed him and rammed her lips against Nico's. Nico rolled them over, so he was pinning this crazy Mary-Sue down.

"Oooo, I didn't know you were so forwards!" She laughed.

Nico narrowed his eyebrows, "_No_." He said firmly. His eyes finally found the button, and snatched it up and pressed it.

Sirens blared throughout the Hades cabin, as well as the Camp. Red lights swirling round. Nico grabbed the girl and threw her up, but she took this as a brilliant moment to ram him against the wall and kiss him hard. However, the doors burst open at this persisted moment with a crowd all in boiler suits with all in gas mask built in and guns out– which was a lucky for Nico.

"Hands up!" Shouted the tallest person in a boiler suit. "Mary-Sue!"

The Mary-Sue jerked her head round as she pinned Nico down, her hair tousled and her face flushed. "_That's_ Princess Marina Suezettalina!" she shouted at the person.

"Hands up! You have already infected Nico, here! Step away or we'll have to do it the hard way!"

"Never!" That was a bad idea for the Mary-sue as the whole crowd of people rushed forwards with their guns blazing and ruby tackled the girl off Nico. They held her down, handcuffing her as a gun was pointed at her. "Bloody Hades! The infection has started!"

"What's happening?" Screeched Princess Marina Suezettalina, as she was held back, with her arms twisted round her back.

"B-By one touch... By one touch of a Mary-Sue on the skin and any emo-ish and life sucked demigod – preferably a male – you get pregnant!"

Princess Marina Suezettalina gasped dramatically as she could – with a swift throw of her hair back – which made her raven black hair glitter in the red lights. But inside her mind she was jumping for joy. She was pregnant with the Son of Hades child! Who could believe stalking and braking into someone cabin and staring at them in their sleep – what strangely sounds like Edward Cullen life with Bella –would succeed!

After two hours of interrogation with Connor and Travis. They came to a conclusion that they couldn't throw Princess Marina Suezettalina in the full cage with all the other Mary-Sues – which remained them that they needed another cage as the other one is getting full – as she was the first one to get pregnant but touching Nico.

Travis and Connor both glared at Princess Marina Suezettalina, who just sat there filing her nails, flicking her hair back whenever she felt like it was necessary. Her stomach was bulging. Just by two hours, she was at fully pregnant. It astonished the Stoll brothers, but on the other hand they wanted to throw her off a cliff as they she kept flirting with them and making both boys very flustered and stutter, just by throwing a wink at them. But, just in time as Connor was on the bridge to faint, Annabeth burst into the room.

"We've got a problem!" she announced, seriousness in her voice.

Travis's voice came out high-pitched as his face became redder. "W-What is it?"

"This was all a part of the spontaneous Prophecy that just came in!" Annabeth said. "And this is why we keep these morons _out_ of the camp."

"J-Just tell us!" Travis said, his voice still high pitched.

Annabeth growled at the boys. She had left them two because they begged her to let them do it. And reluctantly, she gave in. Just then, Connor fainted, and Princess Marina Suezettalina giggled.

"The idiot," Muttered Annabeth, "But back to the point. _This_ child is a part of the Prophecy!"

The Mary-Sue dull and bored voice spoke: "_And_?"

Annabeth stormed forwards to the table and smack her hands down as hard as she could. "_And_ this means you're an idiot! The Prophecy says that this child will bring the world to the doors of death!" She said.

Princess Marina Suezettalina took a moment to take this in, her hand pausing in mid-motion of filing her nails. "And that's bad?" she seemed completely clueless.

Annabeth yelled out in frustration. "You're insufferable! This is why we set up alarms and barb wired all of the cabins!" and stormed out.

Travis still stood there, like a bubbling idiot, his face all flustered. And then he fainted next to his brother.

* * *

This is what I do when I actually start thinking.

I hope I actually got the real PJO characters in character. If they're not, tell me and I'll change it!

Hope you like it.

August.


	2. Finger Painting With Kronos

Hello! The Narrator here! I thought I tell the story like this as it is totally different and I'm bored out of my brain, so, back to the good ol' Mary Sue who invaded Nico for no apparent reason. So, I've decided to make all characters OOC for the fun of it.

Chiron entered the big house in his horse form, heading towards the random interrogation room that was confidently placed for this story that just happened to be told. "Now, I hear that we have another vermin problem?" Not to my surprise, that he was very OOC.

"I am not _vermin_!" Princess Marina Suezettalina protested, as she was duct taped to the chair with a blind fold over her eyes.

Chiron rolled his eyes, and pulled out a flapjack and began to eat it. "That's what they all say." He munched. "However, is this Mary-Sue incredibly fat or stealing computer monitors?"

"She's pregnant." Informed Annabeth, quite stubbornly, who was sat in the corner with her arms crossed, scowling. Looking weirdly, and blatantly emo.

"And why is she blind folded?"

"I thought you knew all this, Chiron!" Katie Gardner randomly appeared as she normally doesn't get enough scene time anywhere. "Whoever she set eyes on know, since she is a full functioning Sue who allows her to mutate, so her eyes are like a vortex holes of doom, making whoever looks into her eyes, they will _die_." She said like it in a dark way, which made the imaginary audience gasp for effect.

As the OOC Chiron didn't really care, he just shrugged. "Well, you know. I've been gettin' stoned with Mr. D." He said, finishing his flapjack, then reaching for another one from his back where he had magic bag filled with them.

"Where is he?" Annabeth, totally not showing her feelings for the god, because since this is a crack fic, this is the most random pairing I could think of, other than Chiron and Llama. Beside that she was cheating on Percy, no-one really paid attention to that since Percy was off flirting with Blackjack.

Just at that moment, Mr. D's levitated (no-one said anything about the whole floaty business since he is like a God) into the room, wearing all black armour with a black cape and also a Dart Vader helmet. A spell of silence came over the people, well, almost everyone since everyone has just forgotten about the Mary-Sue duct taped to the chair, she was jerking about, wanting to know what was happening ("What's happening! Tell me or I will go angsty!") But really, no-one really paid much attention to her at the moment, since the kids had ADHD and the God's didn't really care about Sues as there are so many crap stories written about them.

Mr. D's became heavy, like every breath hurt, almost like he had really bad throat infection. But since God's can't get ill apparently, everyone thought that he was just doing to for dramatic effect. "I...like...Big buts and I cannot lie! You other brothers can't deny! That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung!" He thrust his hips forwards.

"Well." Katie said after a moment of silence, as everyone was in a bizarre moment of shock. "That's the last time I'm coming in the Big House and randomly being here." And walked out.

Annabeth sighed dreamily at him, her face all flushed. Her weird ultimate crush had taken over her and made her stare at the God all dream-like.

"Ahem!" I faked coughed, turning the attention away from the wannbe Dart vader, "You forgot 'bout _it_." I jabbed a thumb in the direction of the Sue.

"OH yeah!" Chiron shoved another FlapJack into his mouth, "We have hidden Nico somewhere super secret and no-one knows where he is apart from me." Weather this was true or not, no-one cared either way.

"Where is he?" Annabeth asked.

Chiron looked at her rather plainly, "Well, that's a secret." He said, "I thought you were smart, Annabeth! You are the Daughter of Athena." Annabeth huffed.

"Hey!" Princess Marina Suezettalina shouted out, "What about me!"

"Oh! You!" Chiron grinned.

"What's going to happen to me?"

"Well, that's simple. We're going to get the doctor to sort you out!"

Half an hour later, and a lot shouting later, the Apollo Cabin had been turned into a deathly hospital. We'd moved the Apollo kids to the Hunters cabin as they were out somewhere. The demigods weren't very unhappy about it, but when I mentioned that they were getting paid for the job, their mood got a lot happier. Yeah, and cost me about 100 bucks as well. Beside from that, Princess Marina Suezettalina was strapped down on the bed, Annabeth there with a camera, Blackjack as a nurse and Clarisse for another random person all waited for the doctor.

"Who is it? I want to know who!" Princess Marina Suezettalina demanded.

"Someone who you _aren't_ allowed to touch." Clarisse huffed as she readjusted her massive goggles.

Just then, the doors bust open, reviling a dark looking Luke.

"_Luke?_" Princess Marina Suezettalina gasped in happiness. "He's the doctor!"

"I thought he was dead?" Blackjack said. "Wait, why am I able to talk?" No-one answered him as no-one really cared.

"He _was_ dead," I said, "until I paid Riordan a check that he couldn't refuse." What cost me more money. I swear, this story cost me more than I paid for JK Rowling to write an eighth book.

"Well," Luke said deathly, his golden eyes shining in the red light, as he raised an axe. For the background music that was randomly playing, was, _I can't decide_ by the Scissor Sisters.

"W-Why is he still Kronos?" Princess Marina Suezettalina trembled, tugging at her straps that she was tied to the table to, in the middle of the room. Her blind fold was off now and was now wearing super contact lensers so she couldn't make people die whenever they looked at her.

"I preferred him evil." I said, "Plus it would add a bit more jazz to the story." The whole room was black, with deathly looking equipments hanging on the walls and a single light hanging from the ceiling glowing red, which glowed the room. "Anyway! Evil-Luke-Kronos-Dude! Get to work!" I leered.

Luke raised his axe that dripped blood, there was blood on his clothes and splatter of red on his face, what Princess Marina Suezettalina wished was paint. Because Kronos really finger painted - although, that would be fun to watch.

"No! NO!" Screamed the Mary-Sue, "Anything! I'm too _young_ to die!"

"That's an overused quote!" snarled Luke, his eyes flashing anger, that was mixed with amusement, "Try...something...new..."he said slowly and darkly.

"I...I..." Cold sweat began to bead on the Sues brow, terror shown in her eyes as she burst out crying. "I can't think of anything!"

"_MARY-SUE!_" Roared Luke, "You copy peoples work and this is your price you'll pay!" he barked.

Princess Marina Suezettalina screamed for her life as Luke advanced her, axe high in the air, hatred burned throughout his golden eyes. Just as Luke swung his axe at the Sue, she burst into flames, as that is how Sues die. A silence grew round them, all in shock; however, a malevolence smirk came upon Luke's face.

"The plan worked." He said, dangerously, "Good work." He looked at the other demigods and Blackjack, "Now who's next?" he raised his axe high.

Annabeth dropped her camera in fear.

_Fin_.

* * *

I hope that's alright to end it, there. Thanks for everyone reveiwing!

August.


End file.
